We were recently given this powerful letter by a friend who we’ve supported over the past year. So many of the people who visit our charity are battling with addiction, and this letter not only tells of one man’s fight, it also gives an incredible insight into the struggles that so many men and women face.

Clive* was living in a hotel when we met him, having lost his home during the pandemic. Our resettlement team helped him move into a studio flat, but he couldn’t shake his dependence on drugs. He often told our staff that he wasn’t an addict.

Over time, Clive started to recognise his struggles and realise that he couldn’t break his habits and change the situation he found himself in alone. We introduced him to Change Grow Live, a drug rehabilitation service which runs support groups, and a social worker who helped Clive move through a detox and then a rehab facility.

Clive’s now 12 weeks into a recovery service, where he’s staying. We were able to visit, and it was an absolute pleasure to see him in such good health and progressing well. We honestly couldn’t be any prouder of him, having seen him go through the depression and the hopelessness to become a new man. His confidence has grown, he’s made friends, and he’s now even talking about taking his own groups there.

Everyone at the service was singing Clive’s praises. They wanted him to read his letter out to us. We hope you find it as touching as we did.

*Name has been changed to protect our friend’s identity

---

Dear Addiction,

I feel I now need to let you know that I am not going to put up with you anymore!

At first, I didn’t even know you were there. It felt good to be taking substances. You silently edged me to drugs and tricked me.

Drugs were good, gave me confidence, woke me up, gave me energy to have fun and join in and be a part of the “going” (pubs/clubs).

It was all an illusion, a trick. Like the Devil leading me down a dark road that started off bright, I was on the road to a trap, a dark hole, a place where you wanted me, a place where I was cornered, for you to take take take.

You first took my mind, made my decisions for me – even if I didn’t agree. You would manipulate me, make me weaker and weaker.

Years would pass, my life would be disappearing into the distance. You were a very good liar and manipulator – so good I thought you was right all the time.

The drug would help, I believed you.

I would feel awful, but you would help me to feel better. I would be depressed, and you would cheer me up. I would be bored, and you would sort me out. I looked up to you all the time, you were leading me to that dark place.

People avoided me, I avoided them. I became selfish and lonely, that was your plan.

You took my freedom and my mind, family, friends. Now you were taking my physical body, my health, injuries, I lost my job.

In and out of hospitals, losing anywhere to live, walking the streets, being arrested.

All these things playing into your hands.

With your main reason, to ruin my life, to take my life, push me to the point of suicide. BUT I SURVIVED.

It took me ages, years to realise you was there, that you were there all along, but I couldn’t see you.

I kicked and I punched and scraped my way trying to break free, but it would always come back to you, I couldn’t do it, I gave in, I gave in to you, YOU WON.

Eventually help came my way, again just as I didn’t notice you, I couldn’t see help, because now I felt I was a helpless case, crying, suicidal and lost.

Slowly, bit by bit, I came to realise enough was enough and had begun to fight back, accepting help, and admitting you excited me.

NOW I can see you, NOW I know who you are and so I can deal with you.

I will never underestimate you because I know how devious and cruel you are.

It has not been easy to get where I am today, it has been a hard fight, like exorcism, fighting my own head, my own feelings, a battle from inside me.

You are there and I feel you, I hear you pecking away, prodding, trying to get me but now I know you, I know how to shut you up, I realise now I already had and have these things without you.

I have confidence now to say no, to shut your voice up, strength to push you back, now I can see a future without you, I don’t need addiction in my life.

You are over, finished, you will never take anything off me again, my mind is back, back for me to control, to control my own life, my own future.

 

I can’t get rid of the bad memories, but you can’t get rid of me or my future.

I WON THIS TIME.

 

SO LONG, MY ADDICTION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!